News reporter: According to scientists, the recent NASA mission to test the use of a revolutionary new equipment that siphons off the vast amounts of ethanol found in outer space for use on Earth went horribly wrong yesterday. NASA headquarters were first alerted to the fact that something was amiss when the strange shadow found on a space probe was, on closer inspection, not a computer malfunction but a large pink party hat and yellow smiley face. Despite the efforts of NASA officials, the news spread quickly across America. Many thought this was an alien presence and several thousand Alien Watchers, wearing pink party hats and with yellow painted faces, congregated in Texas to worship the alien beings. Our field reporter gained this statement from one of the crowd looking for alien contact:
Alien Watcher: “Well, I’m hoping for a good probing session later. Isn’t that right, Mavis?”
News Reporter: This theory of interference by alien lifeforms, however, has now been discounted by the President himself, as further incidents have come to light. NASA has now discovered that the recent prank calls to Houston, stating that various members of the Senate “have a problem,” were not from, as first thought, local school children but, in fact, were from the astronauts in the space craft itself. A spokesperson from NASA gave this statement:
NASA Spokesperson: ‘We were just as surprised to find the IPhone works in outer space. We’re now considering a lucrative sponsorship deal for the next mission to the moon.’
News reporter: It is rumoured that the next moon landing, provisionally named The IMoon Mission, will occur late next year. Speculation as to what might have caused the mass hysteria of the international all-male astronaut crew ended when it was realised that there was in fact no ethanol in the storage tanks. NASA headquarters are warning the drunk astronauts that they must clean up the space craft and probe before re-entry. Whilst new calculations are being made by scientists on Earth to return the unexpectedly light space craft safely, the astronauts are taking the opportunity to study the properties of projectile vomit in zero gravity and the, so called, Hangover Effect in space. We have this exclusive quote from one of the astronauts taped conversations, regarding these further experiments:
Astronaut: ‘Who do I have to sleep with to get another drink on this flying piece of junk? You again Vlad? O..K…’
News reader: Now, the big question on all of our minds is, how much jurisdiction do police have to arrest the astronauts for drink driving a rocket in outer space? And now, the weather.