(This one’s for Ibi – however she spells it – I believe it!)
THE MATHEMATICAL BRIDGE, CAMBRIDGE: Good morning.
MAN: Good morning!
TMB, C: How are you this fine day, Mr Kai Benn?
MAN: Very well, thank you. And you?
TMB, C: Good, thank you. Aren’t you forgetting something, though?
MAN: Forgetting something?
TMB, C: Yes, you’re talking to me, a bridge, so you must know the protocol and you do seem very polite…
MAN: Protocol? Ah, of course, I do apologise.
TMB, C: Oh good. I do like you Mr Kai Benn, I wouldn’t want to have to throw you off.
MAN: Of course, nobody wants that, The Bridge of Sighs.
TMB, C: (shocked) Pardon?
MAN: I agreed with you about nobody wanting to see me thrown off the bridge and then I called you by your name.
TMB, C: (slightly confused) No, no. That’s not my name.
MAN: Yes it is.
TMB, C: (getting angrier) No, no it’s not.
MAN: You’re not going to start shaking, are you? I thought we agreed that no one wants to see me thrown off the bridge.
TMB, C: No one wants to see you thrown off the bridge BUT ONLY IF YOU KNOW MY FULL AND PROPER NAME!
MAN: Oh, my mistake, are you related to The Bridge of Sighs? You look very similar.
TMB, C: No, no I don’t think we’ve met properly, actually. I don’t get to travel much or at all, really. It’s a lonely life being a bri… WHAT IS MY NAME PUNY HUMAN?!
MAN: Oh, well sorry it must be The Mathematical Bridge, Cambridge then.
TMB, C: Yes, that’s right. I’m glad I didn’t have to drown you. YOU MAY PASS… Ahem… (mumbling) mustn’t get carried away. Not that anyone could carry a bridge anywhere very easily. Ha. Haha. Ahem.
*footsteps over bridge*
MAN: Thank you The Mathematical Bridge, Cambridge. Just one thing though.
TMB, C: Yes, what is it Mr Kai Benn?
MAN: Can you just spell that for me?
TMB, C: Sorry?
MAN: Can you just spell my name for me, please The Mathematical Bridge, Cambridge?
TMB, C: Oh, OK, well…. K. A. I.B.E.N.N
MAN: I didn’t think so.
MAN: (shouting from a distance) CLEAR!
TMB, C: Now, hang on…
MAN: C.A.I you pathetic, worthless piece of rubble and only one N. I didn’t choose it but I sure as hell have made good use of it. Job well done, eh Mr Policeman?
POLICEMAN: That’s PC Policeman to you and I’m afraid I’m going to have to arrest you for blowing up a harmless bridge.
MAN: No, it’s Police Constable Robert Thomas Jenkins.
POLICEMAN: Oh, bugger.