Sketch: THE MATHEMATICAL BRIDGE, CAMBRIDGE: REVENGE

(This one’s for Ibi – however she spells it – I believe it!)

THE MATHEMATICAL BRIDGE, CAMBRIDGE: Good morning.

MAN: Good morning!

TMB, C: How are you this fine day, Mr Kai Benn?

MAN: Very well, thank you. And you?

TMB, C: Good, thank you. Aren’t you forgetting something, though?

MAN: Forgetting something?

TMB, C: Yes, you’re talking to me, a bridge, so you must know the protocol and you do seem very polite…

MAN: Protocol? Ah, of course, I do apologise.

TMB, C: Oh good. I do like you Mr Kai Benn, I wouldn’t want to have to throw you off.

MAN: Of course, nobody wants that, The Bridge of Sighs.

TMB, C:  (shocked) Pardon?

MAN: I agreed with you about nobody wanting to see me thrown off the bridge and then I called you by your name.

TMB, C: (slightly confused) No, no. That’s not my name.

MAN: Yes it is.

TMB, C: (getting angrier) No, no it’s not.

MAN: You’re not going to start shaking, are you? I thought we agreed that no one wants to see me thrown off the bridge.

TMB, C: No one wants to see you thrown off the bridge BUT ONLY IF YOU KNOW MY FULL AND PROPER NAME!

MAN: Oh, my mistake, are you related to The Bridge of Sighs? You look very similar.

TMB, C: No, no I don’t think we’ve met properly, actually. I don’t get to travel much or at all, really. It’s a lonely life being a bri… WHAT IS MY NAME PUNY HUMAN?!

MAN: Oh, well sorry it must be The Mathematical Bridge, Cambridge then.

TMB, C: Yes, that’s right. I’m glad I didn’t have to drown you. YOU MAY PASS… Ahem… (mumbling) mustn’t get carried away. Not that anyone could carry a bridge anywhere very easily. Ha. Haha. Ahem.

*footsteps over bridge*

MAN: Thank you The Mathematical Bridge, Cambridge. Just one thing though.

TMB, C: Yes, what is it Mr Kai Benn?

MAN: Can you just spell that for me?

TMB, C: Sorry?

MAN: Can you just spell my name for me, please The Mathematical Bridge, Cambridge?

TMB, C: Oh, OK, well…. K. A. I.B.E.N.N

MAN: I didn’t think so.

*running footsteps*

MAN: (shouting from a distance) CLEAR!

TMB, C: Now, hang on…

*EXPLOSION*

MAN: C.A.I you pathetic, worthless piece of rubble and only one N. I didn’t choose it but I sure as hell have made good use of it. Job well done, eh Mr Policeman?

POLICEMAN: That’s PC Policeman to you and I’m afraid I’m going to have to arrest you for blowing up a harmless bridge.

MAN: No, it’s Police Constable Robert Thomas Jenkins.

POLICEMAN: Oh, bugger.

*SPLASH*

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