Sound of footsteps.
THE MATHEMATICAL BRIDGE, CAMBRIDGE: Good afternoon.
MAN: Oh er… hello? er… who said that?
TMB, C: I did.
MAN: Who did? I can’t see anyone!
TMB, C: What do you mean you can’t see me? You’re standing on me.
MAN: Oh er… hello er… bridge…
TMB, C: Use my full name please. Honestly, it’s like me just calling you “man”, Stephen David Harrington Jones.
MAN: Oh OK… Hang on, how did you know my name?!
TMB, C: (mysteriously) I Know. (forcefully) Now, use my full name!
MAN: Hello erm… Mr Bridge.
TMB, C: (angry) No, that’s not my name!
MAN: Oh! Hello, Mathematical Bridge.
TMB, C: (calmer, threatening) Not quite. Don’t make me throw you off.
MAN: Oh Oh wait.. Hello, THE Mathematical Bridge.
TMB, C: Nope, you’ve forced me to this.
MAN: Oh no wait STOP shaking!
TMB, C: I’m sorry but you didn’t learn my full name.
MAN: But that’s what you’re called – The Mathematical Bridge!
TMB, C: I am a bridge. I have a situation. I am The Mathematical Bridge, Cambridge. Hear the repetition. That is how important I am.
MAN: (frantic) OK I’m sorry The Mathematical Bridge, Cambridge. Just please stop shaking!
TMB, C: You’re really sorry?
TMB, C: Hmmm (pause) nope. Too little too late.
TMB, C: Pathetic creature.
POLICEMAN: Hello The Mathematical Bridge, Cambridge.
TMB, C: Hello Police Constable Robert Thomas Jenkins.
POLICEMAN: How sweet that you learnt my full name.
MAN (shouting from a distance and gurgling a bit) Help! Police! Help!
POLICEMAN: Unlike that silly man.
Sound of footsteps over bridge.